Which member of the ‘Houthi PC small group’ chat are you?

Most people use groupchats to share memes, organize brunch or gossip. The Trump administration plans air strikes. After Atlantic editor-in-chief Jeffrey Goldberg was inadvertently included in the “Houthi PC small group” Signal chat by National Security Advisor Mike Waltz, administration officials were eager to stress that no classified information was included in the unofficial chat. As a result, Goldberg published screenshots of the full conversation this morning.

The messages offer a glimpse into not just the views of various cabinet members on foreign affairs; they reveal the texting styles of some of the most consequential government officials in the world. Some are relatable. “Having read thru the full Houthi PC small group logs, I’ve come to the sad realization that I’m the J.D. Vance of my group chats: overly emotional, slightly unprofessional, confused by what everyone is saying bc I won’t scroll up, continually derails plans with late objections,” tweeted Business Insider’s Katie Notopoulos.

Your correspondent thought: who would he be in the Houthi PC small group? Here’s his handy guide to figuring it out:

Mike Waltz

You’re a professional cat herder who does his darndest to nail down the particulars for your hard-to-wrangle squad. They’re grateful for your efforts and trust you as a safe pair of hands, despite your slightly chubby thumbs. Sometimes you cast the net a little too wide in order to ensure no one feels excluded. You try to keep the conversation bubbling over with the occasional multi-paragraph information-dump. Could this have been an (appropriately classified) email?

J.D. Vance

The contrarian. Your high status means you’re always equipped to change the steer of the conversation, even if you yourself are otherwise occupied. Probably in 200 other groupchats; and this is far from the raciest one. You’re not afraid to prompt discussion on whether your boys are reverting to (neoconservative) type. Always opts for the American chain restaurant, attempts to khybosh any suggestion of “authentic European cuisine.” You’re only going to respond to the most recent message that you see on your phone, and take a “not reading that essay” approach to any thread with more than 20 notifications.

Joe Kent

“Yeah, what he said.” A reply guy for the contrarian, useful to him in straw polls.

Pete Hegseth

The notorious oversharer: you’re waiting to pounce on any contribution from your comrades. You’ve never met a boundary, or airspace, you’re not happy to break. Excited to see through the execution of what’s being planned, whether that’s happy hour or the first foreign bombing campaign. A ride-or-die for the cause. But will we regret inviting you?

Susie Wiles

Everyone is quite impressed that someone of your generation is so tech-savvy. While you don’t contribute a huge amount, you’re nonetheless glad someone else is making the plans for a change.

Scott Bessent

There’s not a really compelling reason for you to be in here – but you always pick up the tab and are diligent with the Venmo requests. Best dressed too.

Stephen Miller

A late inclusion, you’re crucial at maintaining the integrity of the mission. Eager to remind the crew of the agreed parameters for the big night out – and to ensure no one in the group is left out of pocket.

Steve Witkoff

Always traveling, rarely participating, hopefully not leaving the group chat open for anyone else to see – whether that’s a gossipy spouse or the Kremlin.

Tulsi Gabbard

“What happened last night?” Slightly hazy memory when asked about the details – but great for vibes and always one of the first names on the guestlist.

Jeffrey Goldberg

Chronic lurker. Unknown to the wider group, with possible ties to the ringleader. Most likely to screenshot and share.