I regret to inform you that Jacob Wohl has joined OnlyFans

Desperate times call for desperate measures. On the day that the price of oil dropped to $0 a barrel, conspiracy theorist and Trump Twitter limpet Jacob Wohl opened his OnlyFans account.

Wohl, who has recently relocated from Los Angeles to Miami Beach, said he’d joined the site ‘by popular demand’ on his Instagram Story earlier today.

For readers discovering OnlyFans for the first time, Spectator contributor Julie Bindel offered the following succinct summary last week:

‘OnlyFans.com (OF) is the latest kid on the block to be billed as a safe, consequence-free way of selling sex and home-grown porn that empowers women. The social media site is similar to Instagram, but users pay to subscribe to creators’ feeds.

‘The top earners on OF are women whose subscribers are male. These men pay a monthly fee to view images considered too pornographic for Instagram. Subscribers can also direct message women and pay tips to get personalized videos or photos, “depending on his individual sexual tastes”.’

Wohl, who ironically hosts a show on Censored.TV, has set an asking price of a fairly steep $50 a month. Bear in mind, OnlyFans content creators get 80 percent of the takings from users who pay to follow them. If Wohl can get 100 followers, he’ll be making a cool $4,000 a month.

Cockburn must confess, this is the first time he’s thought about how quarantine would be affecting the Wohl bottom line. The lockdown has put a stop to the frequent press conferences outside his associate Jack Burkman’s Arlington residence, where the pair would baselessly accuse liberal politicians of sexual deviance.

It’s certainly not the 22-year-old’s first money-making scheme: he’s been charging $200 for an eight-week fitness regime on his website during the COVID-19 outbreak. Nor is it the first time a member of the Wohl family member has stripped off for the camera: his father David posed shirtless for a racy 2020 calendar late last year.

There is only one post on the Jacob Wohl OnlyFans account as yet, which can only be viewed by those willing to pay the $50 toll. Unfortunately, Cockburn is yet to be entrusted with a Spectator company card (with good reason), and so the site’s contents will remain a mystery. For now.