Prince Andrew wants an American-penned memoir, too

Haven’t heard enough about how terrible life is with unimaginable wealth and privilege? Fear not, proles: Prince Andrew is reportedly in talks with American authors to write his memoir, because a world-class education can buy him some things, but words are hard. 

The book is described by the Daily Mail’s sources as “Spare 2.0,” after the controversial Prince Harry autobiography that came out in January. Cockburn wonders if the disgraced duke will spend as much time writing about his “todger” as his dear nephew did. 

The Duke of York is hoping that the memoir will clear his name in light of the Jeffrey Epstein scandal — the last time he attempted that feat, it famously went well. The notorious BBC Newsnight interview in 2019 saw Randy Andy dig himself into a hole when he denied having sex with accuser Virgina Roberts Giuffre in 2001, saying he had been at Pizza Express in Woking that evening, and that Giuffre’s claims about dancing with him at a club in London while he was sweaty were false, as he had temporarily lost the ability to sweat after an “adrenaline overdose” during the Falklands war.

Spectacularly, Andrew believes that he would have “more control” with a book. Recent reports claim that the duke, after being kicked out of his Buckingham Palace apartment by brother Charlie, is short of funds. Cockburn thinks he could be looking to his nephew Harry for entrepreneurial advice. A source told the Mail: “Andrew was the original spare and there’s plenty of material. Compared to Harry, he has a far greater depth of history to draw from.”

Rumors are swirling that Andrew is in discussions with US author and interviewer Daphne Barak, who has written biographies of Amy Winehouse and former Pakistan prime minister Benazir Bhutto. Two leading publishers are said to be interested. Cockburn wishes Prince Andrew luck with his new venture. What could go wrong?