Why do women cheaters get a pass?

The entertainment world has been in shock the past couple of weeks because Ariana Grande, the pop artist behind the song “break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored,” stole another woman’s husband. 

And once again, the mainstream media is on a mission to convince us that we’re not allowed to blame women when they get involved in extramarital affairs. 

Grande, a Grammy award-winning singer and former Nickelodeon actress, has reportedly been dating her co-star in the upcoming Wicked movie adaptation. The only problem is that both Grande and the co-star, Ethan Slater, are married. 

It’s a classic on-set Hollywood drama (even though the movie is filming in England). Grande has been married to real estate agent Dalton Gomez since 2021, but after she was spotted in public without her wedding ring repeatedly, news broke on July 17 that the pair had been separated since January and ultimately decided to begin divorce proceedings. Just a few days later, it was revealed that Grande is in a relationship with Slater, who has been married to his high-school sweetheart since 2018. Slater and his wife welcomed a baby together just last summer. Now they’re also getting a divorce. 

If you aren’t sufficiently horrified by everyone involved in this train wreck, let’s toss in the fact that Grande was actually friendly with Slater’s wife, and had both met their baby and hung out with them on several occasions. And it is believed Grande and Slater have been hooking up on the down-low for the past six months. 

“[Ariana’s] the story, really. Not a girl’s girl,” Slater’s soon-to-be-ex told Page Six. “My family is just collateral damage.” 

Observers of Grande’s love life are pointing out that going after unavailable men appears to be part of a pattern for her. Mac Miller, Big Sean, Pete Davidson and Dalton Gomez were all connected to other women before getting involved with Grande. Principled folk would naturally view this behavior as a sign of a deep character flaw. Only someone with deep-seated insecurities and an underdeveloped moral compass would thrive on getting attention from men who are already in relationships. 

Amazingly, though, Grande is still getting plenty of support from some fans and members of the media, who believe that to criticize women who choose to be a side chick is to fall afoul of a misogynistic double standard. 

“Ariana Grande Might Have A History Of Seemingly Breaking Up Relationships, But People Are Pointing Out That It’s Actually The Men That Should Be Held Accountable,” reads an article on BuzzFeed News. “The Ariana Grande Backlash Proves The Problematic Undertones Of The Word ‘Homewrecker’,” fashion magazine Graziadeclares. 

“It is absolutely bonkers to me that in *2023* a man can, of his own free will, decide to abandon the wife he chose to marry, the kids he chose to have, the family he promised to love & cherish… and it’s the woman he runs away with who gets called ‘the homewrecker’,” reads one tweet with over 100,000 likes. 

“Misogyny at its finest, women consistently blamed for men leaving their wives. We know NOTHING stop making stuff up,” says another viral tweet. 

First of all: Grande is probably getting more media attention for the affair because, well, she’s way more famous. I had never even heard of Ethan Slater, who apparently previously starred as Spongebob Squarepants on Broadway, until this incident. More importantly, though, Grande is being called out in response to modern society’s refusal to assign responsibility and agency to women who are involved in infidelity.

It is blindingly obvious that Ethan Slater is a scumbag for stepping out on his wife as she took care of their baby. That shouldn’t even need to be said. But apparently people do need to be reminded that Grande is trash too. Research shows that men are more likely to cheat when presented with the opportunity, even if they are happy in their relationship. Why be the woman that offers a married man that opportunity? 

Modern feminism, which falsely preaches itself as the key to women’s empowerment, has managed to spin the yarn that women are merely hapless victims of men’s choices when it comes to relationships. Last fall, I wrote about Maroon 5 singer Adam Levine’s extramarital affair with Instagram influencer Sumner Stroh. Stroh had managed to convince herself that she was “manipulated” and “exploited” before going public with the affair. Women such as Grande and Stroh don’t seem to accept that they are part of the problem, that their actions hurt other people — and themselves. 

And why should they? Popular media repeatedly drills into young women that they are perfect just the way they are. “Self-care” has replaced self-improvement. Women are told that they “deserve” the best even if they haven’t earned it. Many young women truly believe these days that no matter how badly they behave, there is a faultless and subservient man who will be willing to cater to their every demand. This attitude removes accountability, justifies immoral behavior and sets up both sexes for disappointing, toxic and failed relationships. 

There’s more than just anecdotal evidence that our society has become increasingly accepting of and numb to female infidelity. A 2022 survey from the Survey Center on American Life found a disturbing double standard in how people view male cheaters versus female cheaters. 66 percent of Americans say it is always morally wrong for a married man to have an affair, while 55 percent say it is always morally wrong for a married woman to have an affair. The difference is even more pronounced among women, 70 percent of whom say it’s always wrong for a man to have an affair, whereas 56 percent say it’s always wrong for women to have an affair. 

Shockingly, among liberal women, only 36 percent think it’s morally wrong for a woman to have an affair. 

The lack of moral outrage directed at cheating women coincides with a rise in women who cheat. While men are still more likely to cheat overall, infidelity rates among women have risen by 40 percent in the past two decades. 

Grande’s PR team is clearly trying to take advantage of this mindset by passing off the blame to her husband. There have been numerous stories planted accusing Gomez of being controlling, using her for her fame, being resentful of her career and sneaking around with other women. Aside from these different excuses being in conflict with one another, Gomez was previously said to be very supportive of Grande and doing everything he could to save their marriage. The attempts to villainize Gomez reek of a last ditch effort to justify Grande’s bad choices. 

Instead of continuing to excuse women’s impropriety as a natural consequence of the patriarchy, let’s demand we treat ourselves and others with respect. Women are more than capable of exercising self-control and rising to the challenges in their lives without resorting to selfish and childish behavior. That’s true female empowerment.