Barstool Sports’s Billy Football runs for Santos’s old seat

There’s something in the water in New York’s 3rd district, which continues to pump out interesting candidates for Congress. Of course, we had George Santos. Enough said there. Then after the colorful Santos was expelled from Congress in a historic vote, Republicans nominated Mazi Pilip, an IDF veteran and Ethiopian immigrant, who lost in a special election to Democrat Tom Suozzi, who is… vastly less interesting than his GOP counterparts. But now, Suozzi could face another colorful Republican — Bill Cotter, formerly known as Barstool Sports’s Billy Football, who joined the race a few weeks ago, and has been gathering the requisite number of signatures to appear on the primary ballot in June.

Cotter, a former quarterback at Williams College, is the author of important stories such as “The Nightmare is Over! I Have Defeated The Lone Star Tick Alpha Gal Syndrome And Can Eat Red Meat Again” and “What The Fuck is Boy Math?… Because I Think I’m Guilty Of It.” He recently swapped Barstool podcasts for a Fox News interview, which started off on an awkward note, with Martha MacCallum noting that her “researchers say they can’t confirm that you have actually filed the paperwork yet to get on the ballot.” 

Not a problem for Cotter, who said that he’s “gonna be on the ballot,” and that his team was driving up the signatures to Albany that very moment. Cotter looks to have made it in the nick of time — while the filing deadline was yesterday, and he is listed as filing today, the package was postmarked within the acceptable timeline — saving him a campaign-ending embarrassment.

As for where he positions himself? He is, definitionally, one of the infamous “Barstool conservatives,” but didn’t sound fully on the MAGA train. Trump, he suggested, would have to come to him — but, “if he offers his support, I’d accept it with open arms. You’d have to be an idiot not to take a former president’s support.” 

What about his famous boss, Dave Portnoy? Can he count on his support? “I’m going to have to earn his support,” just like he will have to earn the voters across New York’s 3rd.

Perhaps problematically, he asked Portnoy to be “my first signature” on the Macrodosing podcast. When Portnoy noted that he is not a registered voter in the district, Cotter replied: “You just need to own property to have a signature, have an address.” This is almost certainly false — and would have likely been fraudulent. 

Following the interview, the Barstool troops rallied behind Cotter. The site’s Ohios Tate wrote a whole piece, “Fox News Tried To Push A Fake News Agenda And Make Congressional Candidate Billy Football Look Bad, But When They Went Low, He Went High,” defending his pal. “No one can deny that he flat out dominated the interview. Hit all his buzz words, dropped his most prepared one liners. Hats off to Congressman Cotter,” Tate beamed.

While Portnoy is still on the sidelines, the rank-and-file Stoolies are flocking to Cotter. A politically plugged-in Stoolie noted to Cockburn that Cotter had originally considered primarying Nick LaLota (who is now facing an independent challenge from, you guessed it: George Santos!), but now that he is challenging Suozzi, she is “cautiously enthusiastic” But, she warned that it won’t be all smooth sailing for the internet personality. 

“Let’s hope Billy Football doesn’t fumble the bag like he fumbled PFT’s phone number. With the powerhouse that is Stoolies behind him, he could make politics great again, but if only he doesn’t get in his own way,” she said. 

Cockburn asked his niece’s slightly intimidating boyfriend to explain that last bit — but he just glowered and gormlessly cracked open another cold one.