Place your bets: what drugs is Biden on?

Who has a better chance of passing a drug test, Joe Biden or Hunter? At this point, Cockburn thinks it’s probably a coin toss. What he’d rather know is what the president is doped up on in his more energetic moments. Thanks to an online betting platform, voters can now gamble on which drug they think Biden is using.  

“BetOnline.ag, which infamously set odds on who the White House cocaine belonged to, has created a wagering market for which drug Biden will test positive for,” Josh Barton, a BetOnline rep, told Cockburn. So far, the odds favor amphetamine followed by methamphetamine. Bettors think Biden is poppin’ more Adderall than a college student during finals week.  

The question of Biden’s drug habits came to the forefront last week after Trump demanded the president get screened before their debate in June. “I just want to debate this guy, but you know — and I’m gonna demand a drug test too, by the way,” Trump said on Friday at a GOP dinner in Minnesota. “I am. No, I really am. I don’t want him coming in like the State of the Union. He was high as a kite.” 

Biden’s performance at the State of the Union was unlike anything Cockburn has seen from the president since he took office. The eighty-one-year-old, who usually appears to be on beta blockers, was cogent and unusually aggressive for almost a whole hour, right when Jill would normally be tucking him into bed. Whatever narcotic cocktail the Biden campaign supposedly cooked up for the night, Cockburn wants some too. 

Trump isn’t the only GOP member to suggest Biden was jacked up during the State of the Union. Last week, Republican representative Greg Murphy told Fox News that he had some “good knowledge” that Biden really was on drugs. “I believe they gave him something to help him sustain the lights and sustain the vigor that he had,” Murphy said. He then told an incredulous Maria Bartiromo that he would show her the evidence off-air. 

Unsurprisingly, cocaine also made BetOnline’s list, coming in third. This whole time Cockburn’s been telling everyone it was Hunter’s cocaine in the White House, but could it have been the “Big Guy” all along? Trump seems to think Joe and Hunter have been in on it together for a while. “Does anybody really believe that the COCAINE found in the West Wing of the White House, very close to the Oval Office, is for the use of anyone other than Hunter & Joe Biden,” he posted on Truth Social last year. 

But it’s not just Biden’s State of the Union address that has people wondering. The president’s policy has been suspiciously soft on drugs recently. Last week, Biden announced plans to loosen federal restrictions on marijuana, reclassifying it from a Schedule I drug to a Schedule III. Last summer the president’s younger brother, Frank, revealed that Joe is also “very open-minded” to using psychedelics for medical treatment. Perhaps the president is a step beyond that now. Come late June, CNN could find itself hosting the debating equivalent of the Enhanced Games...