It’s not ME, it’s YOU

I wake up each morning and take a good long look in the mirror. ‘Wow! You are AMAZING!’ I say to my reflection. And I mean it. I truly mean it. I am literally gobsmacked at how incredible I am — and in so many ways. As a trans woman I am FIERCE. As an activist I am FEARLESS. As a human being I am empathy personified. Yet the moment I step out of my boudoir and into the virtual world of online social media, I am bombarded by negativity. Why is this? I know it’s not me. It’s YOU. Yes. I am sorry dear reader, but the fact that you are unable to handle me and all my perfections is a YOU problem.

As an online influencer I am no stranger to violence. My viral videos often bring with them a torrent of abuse. Last week I posted Part 22 in my YouTube series: ‘How to Respect Me’ and within minutes I received the message (Trigger Warning: contains violent acronyms some of you may find distressing): ‘wtf lol haha’. Some may read this and assume it’s just a harmless response I should pay no mind to. But if you understood people as I do, you would know without a shadow of a doubt that the person who posted it wants me DEAD. Yes. That’s right. They wish to invalidate my existence. By mocking me, their aim is to ERASE me. Well guess what? (imagine me doing a sassy finger wag): it ain’t gonna happen.

The video they so violently protested shows me being my authentic self. I’d spent three hours that afternoon transforming myself into the most ME version of me that I could. Carefully applying fluorescent lime green eye shadow and dark blue lipstick. Meticulously showering my adorably ironic retro beehive-styled hairdo with glitter. Picking out a delicate semi-opaque cream chiffon tunic which accentuated my nipples perfectly and complementing it with a red studded BDSM choker. Yes, that was ME. The image which gazed back at me through the camera lens was so ME it literally took my breath away. Authentic. Me. When I pressed ‘record’ it was all I could do to concentrate on my semi-rehearsed script I was so taken aback by the ME-ness on the screen. But concentrate I did.

The latest episode of my vlog outlines the ways in which trans and nonbinary individuals could be respected while out shopping. For instance, I suggest people compliment a nonbinary person on their unique and brave decision to defy gender norms. Perhaps the person who owns the store could encourage a round of gentle and non-threatening cheers for their literal existence. When it comes to trans people, an encouraging ‘You go girl/dude!’ would be most welcome. Maybe with an apologetic acknowledgement from cisgender people regarding the centuries of abuse we have had to endure at their ignorant hands. We only want to exist. We don’t want any special treatment other than that we know we are entitled to.

At the end of my vlog I make a delightfully passive-aggressive speech directed towards the cis. Or as we know them ‘ignorant bigots’. Very much like with white people and racism, every cis person is a transphobe. Even if they are gay. The very act of their birth-given gender acquiescence condemns them. It is an original sin to be cis. This is simply a fact. I’m not being, as some hateful commentator suggested: ‘an entitled narcissistic dickhead.’ I am speaking a truth. Maybe it’s not YOUR truth, but your truth really isn’t important in all of this. What’s important is ME. MY truth. And MY TRUTH is that I am FABULOUS. Anyone who disagrees with me is a worthless cisgender bigoted fascistic bully.

I am honestly not bothered in the slightest by any negative comments I receive. I merely highlight them in order to support other trans people who may struggle with nasty small-minded idiots. I mean, maybe you are reading this with the mistaken assumption that I’m not one-hundred percent at ease with my own identity, and you would be so wrong I could literally LAUGH FOR MONTHS. As if I would allow the comments of these WORTHLESS VILE LITTLE PIECES OF SCUM to affect me! Ha! Bless you hun, but no. I find them amusing. Any negative comment I get, my super sexy shoulders just shrug it off. Doesn’t upset me at all. Water off a duck’s back. In fact I LIKE them. They remind me that I’m living in their heads rent-free lol. So they can seriously just go SLIT THEIR WRISTS AND DIE MAD if they think I’m even vaguely annoyed by them.

So deal with it. The future is ME. And it’s WONDERFUL.