The solitary Senate life of John Fetterman

Source: CPAC in trouble? Heavy discounts offered for 2024 conference

The next Conservative Political Action Conference isn’t until the end of February of next year, but the organization behind it is already calling past attendees to offer steep discounts, prompting speculation that the conference is experiencing some financial troubles.

One longtime attendee shared with Cockburn that someone from the American Conservative Union, the Matt Schlapp-led organization that puts CPAC on every year, called him — offering a discounted price of only $99, a hefty decline from the standard $299.

“The last few years I’ve had a badge and haven’t even gone in to hear the speakers. I’ve just hung out at hotel room parties. You’d get better networking hanging out at Union Pub for thirty minutes and you wouldn’t have to deal with the boomers who think we’re still fighting the revolutionary war,” the CPAC vet told us.

CPAC is infamous for its parties, both real and completely made up. Cockburn therefore hopes that all goes according to plan…

The solitary Senate life of John Fetterman

For months, John Fetterman has taken up a solitary post in the Russell Senate Office Building’s courtyard, where he makes the diner in Edward Hopper’s “Nighthawks” look like a raver at E11EVEN MIAMI.

Multiple Senate staff in different offices have spotted him camped out throughout the year while the Senate is in session — a luxury that their bosses simply do not have the time to afford. Fetterman’s quiet times are an open secret to those who work on Capitol Hill, yet, quelle surprise, they have gone completely unmentioned by the press corps.

It’s not just that Fetterman sits alone, however. He doesn’t seem to want to even do his job. Plenty of ink has been spilled about his dress code, or lack thereof, but Cockburn has noticed that on the days that he does show up to actually vote, he just yells “yay” or “nay” from the cloakroom and dips out, opting against schmoozing with his fellow senators of either political party…

Bowman’s brazen BS raises alarm

It’s a cliché to point out that politicians lie — if you want a fib to catch the eye, there’s a high bar to clear. So props to Democratic congressman Jamaal Bowman for reaching those lofty, George Santos heights, with his recent attempt to claim that, when setting off a fire alarm during a vote, he “thought the alarm would open the door. I was rushing to make a vote, I was trying to get to a door.” The consequence of his actions was, in fact, a delay of the vote, which assisted his party.

But footage of the incident obtained this week by NY1 Spectrum News and Fox News revealed that Bowman himself removed the signs warning that the door was alarmed moments before opening it.

Oops! On Thursday in DC court, Bowman pleaded guilty to willfully or knowingly giving false fire alarm. Yet the Democratic Socialist doubled down in his comments to reporters after the hearing: “I was in a rush to get to a vote to avoid a government shutdown.”

Finally, Intersex Awareness

As the Gaza Strip smolders and Israel readies itself for a ground assault after the horrific Hamas terrorist attack three weeks ago, does the Biden administration policy have its priorities straight? 

“Today in celebration and recognition of Intersex Awareness Day, we affirm the United States’ commitment to promoting and protecting the human rights of Intersex persons globally,” a State Department spokesman said in a statement yesterday.

The statement continues to warn of how intersex children overseas are often “subjected to medically unnecessary surgeries.

“These harmful practices, which can cause lifelong negative physical and emotional consequences, are a medical form of so-called conversion therapy practices in that they seek to physically ‘convert’ Intersex children into non-Intersex children.”

Cockburn is at pains to stress that these “medically unnecessary surgeries” that can “cause lifelong negative physical and emotional consequences” to children are of course different to the surgeries performed on kids who identify as trans, which Biden’s Department of Justice is currently suing the state of Tennessee to allow.