Republicans need to bring it home for me and my three cats 

I am forty, I’m perpetually single, I have no kids, and I own three cats. No, this isn’t a reboot of Bridget Jones’s Diary; it’s my life. And I also happen to be a lifelong conservative who votes in every election.  

I’m not so sensitive that I thought J.D. Vance’s now-widely circulated comments about “cat ladies” from 2021 were directed specifically at me — but the words hurt all the same. Like so many women in my shoes, I did not set out to be single and childless forever to make a hallow political gesture. I dreamed of a family, true love and the white picket fence. But thus far, that simply hasn’t been the course mapped out for me by the Author of all things. I strive for patience and understanding, I work hard so I can support my one-income life despite soaring costs and endless barriers to financial liberty.  

So when I opened that 2021 campaign email, “No More CAT LADIES,” it cut sort of deep. I was on that e-mail list because I am a vocal and unashamed part of the conservative movement, as I have been for my whole life. I have marched in the March for Life in Washington, DC since I was old enough to understand the brutality of abortion. I’ve spent the better part of my career working to promote conservative ideals. I’ve lost friends over my beliefs, but I’ve never been deterred because those are my values.  

And I could brush off the trope of being a “cat lady” — I am an animal person and not ashamed by it. I have three cats; I welcome the ribbing.  

I understood Vance’s position of decrying Democrats who are increasingly leftist and increasingly anti-family values in their policy making.  

But then the email asked, “Why have we turned over our country to people who don’t have a direct stake in it?” 

Is that what he really believes? It’s difficult to see language like that and accept any apology of “Oh, I didn’t mean YOU.” How could you not mean me? I fit the bill entirely of this vicious caricature you’ve created except for party affiliation. 

But I assure you, I very much have a stake in the future of the United States. It consumes most of my mental space. My top issues are pro-life advocacy and school choice. Not because I have kids, but because I dream of a better tomorrow in this great nation. I lose sleep over problems facing the future of the country and I dare to wager that even political opponents have a stake in the future if they are patriots. 

We conservatives love to talk about our brave military and those who have made the ultimate sacrifice. Should we assume that those who died fighting for freedom over many wars but did not have children — had no stake in the future of the country?  

George Washington was a stepfather to two, but had no natural children — did he have no stake in the future of the country? 

Kamala Harris was named specifically by Vance as a miserable childless woman, but in fact she is also the stepmother to two. And that doesn’t mean I’m about to defend any of her political stances or past actions, but please do not make me defend her as a woman without children.  

You have no idea why any woman is single or has no children; please never try to guess.  

There are reasonable and valid arguments to be made that having children will change the way you think about policy and conduct your affairs. The Republican Party being the party of families is an important position and needs to be proliferated. But that should never mean there is no room for anyone without kids or without spouse. Questioning a person’s interest in the future of their own country based on something so superficial is profoundly offensive.  

I see the sentiments shared and repeated and recycled by fellow conservatives and I always try to see past rude remarks about “cat ladies.” But I won’t stand for accusations that I don’t have a stake in the country.  

We can have a necessary and reasonable conversation about promotion of family values and wanting to make more people without being horrible to women who don’t have their own kids. Please remember that for most of us, not having children is the most painful topic you can bring up. Combining it with a careless insult is truly unnecessary. 

The comments from Vance made a small splash three years ago, and I’m not here to wager whether they had an impact on him and his bid for the Senate. He won. I don’t live in Ohio. But I’m not certain I would have shown up to vote for him if I did. I certainly spent a sizable amount of time slashing his remarks to anyone who would listen.  

And in Milwaukee when I was celebrating with so many other happy conservatives and Vance’s name was announced, I warned everyone that the “cat lady” fallout was on the horizon.  

I had hoped that maybe he’d think better of his past remarks and reach out to women without kids with a positive economic message or a silly picture with a cat. But no, he’s only laughing at the criticism of the “cat lady” language and doubling down on the substance.  

And then there’s the never-ending chorus of people who bring up an unrelated crisis whenever you mention this might be important. I believe pro-terrorist protests and a cratering economy are both really bad. It’s still OK to criticize the vice-presidential nominee for making vile remarks about an entire category of voters.  

But it’s not just about Vance and his feckless remarks. He’s getting the media attention for now, but there is no shortage of pompous online conservatives sharing their own version of the “cat lady” campaign email whenever they have a moment. But instead of sending that next screed, I ask my fellow Republicans to reach out to your single friends and remind them how much they matter to the future of the country.