Justice Alito stirs the pot

Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. This old adage has taken on a new meaning for the left as Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito is developing a bit of a habit for displaying allegedly “far-right” flags. In under a week, the New York Times has unearthed images of dissident flags waving proudly at the justice’s house on two separate occasions, leaving Democrats clamoring about judicial ethics.  

The smoking gun in the controversy is an “Appeal to Heaven” flag that was seen flying at Alito’s summer home on Long Beach Island in New Jersey last summer. The flag, which depicts a pine tree, was first used during the American Revolution but has since become associated with the “Stop the Steal” movement after being brandished by January 6 protesters. Other flags, like the Stars and Stripes and the Betsy Ross flag, were much more abundant at the Capitol on the fateful day.

The Times spoke to several of Alito’s neighbors and obtained four photos of the nefarious flag, darkening an otherwise beautiful vista. Cantankerous neighbors can’t be blamed for exposing the justice since the flag is also shown prominently on Google Street View — not that Alito, who relishes in political drama, would want to bury the story. 

The flag is especially offensive since it has been adopted by Christian nationalists and reveals Alito’s own religious bias, according to the Times. Cockburn wasn’t aware that Alito’s Catholic faith had been a secret up to this point. He could have sworn the justice recently spoke at Franciscan University, a Catholic college.

Alito isn’t the only high-profile conservative to wave the “Appeal to Heaven” flag. Shortly after becoming speaker of the House last fall, Mike Johnson placed the flag outside of his office. “It’s George Washington’s flag,” Johnson said on Wednesday.  “It goes back to the founders’ era. I’ve always flown that flag.” Johnson added that the flag was gifted to him by a visiting congressional chaplain. 

Although the flag at Long Beach Island is no longer flying, Alito has declined to comment on the incident and seems to be at ease as lefties lose their minds. He has however been totally unapologetic about a previous controversy that the Times dug up last week. According to the report, an upside-down flag, yet another symbol of election denial, hung outside Alito’s home in Alexandria, Virginia, just days before Joe Biden’s inauguration. 

“I had no involvement whatsoever in the flying of the flag,” Alito told the Times. “It was briefly placed by Mrs. Alito in response to a neighbor’s use of objectionable and personally insulting language on yard signs.”

Alito later told Fox News’s Shannon Bream that his wife had gotten into an argument with a neighbor who had placed a yard sign reading “Fuck Trump” in clear view of a school bus stop.  The man hurled several obscenities at Mrs. Alito “including the C-word” to which Mrs. Alito took her revenge by hanging the American flag upside down. The timing of the act — not even two weeks after January 6 — may be suspicious but Alito is adamant that it was just a petty spat with some of his “very political” neighbors. In Alexandria? Surely not!

Democrats are now demanding that Alito recuse himself ahead of a case ruling whether the Justice Department can charge January 6 protesters with obstruction — a request which Alito certainly won’t agree to. 

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, fresh off her cat fight with Marjorie Taylor Greene, has demanded that the Senate investigate the flag incidents. “Samuel Alito has identified himself with the same people who raided the Capitol on January 6, and is now going to be presiding over court cases that have deep implications over the participants of that rally,” AOC said, stopping just short of calling the justice “baby girl” in a fit of self-righteous anger. 

Alito is also facing accusations of partisan politics due to his choice in beer. It turns out Alito may like beer even more than Brett Kavanaugh — and at one time owned as much as $15,000 worth of Anheuser-Busch stocks. Following Bud Light’s partnership with trans influencer Dylan Mulvaney last summer, Alito quietly sold his stocks and bought the same amount in Molson Coors. Cockburn can’t blame Alito for refusing to sip his way to womanhood.