The war on life’s simple pleasures

There are few things better in life than taking a hot shower at the end of a long day, crawling into a freshly made bed and passing out into the deepest sleep ever. There are also few things that ruin this uniquely cozy experience more quickly than stepping into a shower with dinky water pressure.

Luckily, I’ve rarely dealt had to deal with that issue because I grew up with a plumber for a dad. We eschewed so-called “water-saving” shower heads in our home in favor of ones with such high water pressure that showers felt like a deep-tissue massage. When I moved out after college, my dad would drop by my various apartments to drill a hole in the non-removable flow restrictors put in shower heads by management.

Former president Donald Trump shared my family’s vendetta against weak water pressure. In office, he amended a federal rule that limited how much water could flow through shower heads. Unfortunately, the Biden administration quickly undid this life-improving reform. They insisted that no modern shower heads were at risk of exceeding the Obama-era standards anyway (um, maybe that’s because they were forced to manufacture them that way?) and reinstated the rule.

Weak water pressure was only a sign of things to come. The war on life’s simple pleasures in the name of environmental friendliness is in full swing. Time and again we are told that in pursuit of a cleaner planet, we all have to be miserable.

Take the proposed federal gas stove ban, which Democrats insisted wasn’t happening even though multiple cities in California had already taken such measures. Then, when Republicans unveiled legislation to prevent federal authorities from taking away the superior cooking fuel, the Biden administration said that they opposed the bill. New York recently followed the trend by asking restaurants with wood- and coal-fired pizza oven to cut their emissions by 75 percent. Apparently, if you prefer to cook on a surface that actually heats food evenly and has greater temperature control — the kind preferred by most professional chefs — you have to reckon with the fact that you’re going to give a bunch of kids asthma. At least, that’s what the expert “studies” funded by pro-renewable energy groups say.

When Trump jested that Americans would have to flush their toilets ten to fifteen times instead of just once under federal water flow regulations, the media made fun of him. The truth is that besides taking away a bunch of things Americans enjoy using, these Green New Deal-esque restrictions are often self-defeating. A toilet is going to use more water if you have to flush it multiple times after a bathroom trip. A low-flow shower head is wasting water if you have to stay in the shower five minutes longer to get all of the shampoo out of your hair. How many cycles does a “high efficiency” washer and dryer set need to run until your clothes are actually clean and dry? How about a dishwasher that doesn’t actually clean your dishes on the first try?

Take the new ban on incandescent light bulbs that went into effect in July. Incandescent light bulbs are the old-school ones you’re used to, with the wire in the center. They emit a warmer light that is relaxing and aesthetically pleasing. LEDs run cooler, which gives a sterile hospital effect. A French study found that the bright, blue-leaning white light emitted by LEDs is unnatural to humans and can actually cause health issues. LEDs are said to trigger migraines, eye strain, insomnia and dizziness and to increase stress. No wonder blue light-blocking glasses are perennial bestsellers on Amazon.

The left won’t stop with your gas cars or appliances. An article published in Scientific American last month tried to convince people to cut back on ice in their cocktails. Seriously.

“Energy wasted from ice is largely because of in-house ice machines, which many — if not most — bars and restaurants use to maintain their steady ice supply. Ice machines run continually until they are full, potentially for several hours at a time,” the article said.

Apparently there is an entire segment of the bar industry that is experimenting with ways to use less ice and water for their drinks. Count me out. I’d like an orange crush with extra crushed ice, please.

The elites decide to take away the little joys while they don’t have to bear the brunt of the consequences. They can afford to get their hair washed and styled on the regular or to bring in a maid who runs the clothes through the wash multiple times. For middle-class Americans, the modern convenience of our supposedly environmentally unfriendly appliances makes their life a bit easier and better. That is worth something — and it needs to be heavily weighed against the often fantastical claims that having a spa-like shower is going to destroy the planet.

This article was originally published in The Spectator’s August 2023 World edition.